“Being a detective isn't all about torture and murder and monsters. Sometimes it gets truly unpleasant...The fate of the world may depend on whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relat...”

“You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The lastpresent you gave me was a stick.You wanted a weapon.It was a stick.It had a bow on it.It was a stick.I thought you liked the stick. You la...”

“You look angry," he said."You put me on hold.""For a very good reason.""You put me," she said very, very slowly, "on hold.”

“Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to.”

“If anyone stops us, as long as we mumble something pretentious about the glory of death, we should be fine.”

“Every once in a while, I get the urge. You know what Im talking about, dont you? The urge for destruction. The urge to hurt, maim, kill. Its quite a thing, to experience that urge, to let it wash o...”

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you...”

“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”