“You gotta be optimistic to be single. Stupid! You have to be stupid. That's what optimistic means, you know. It means stupid. An optimist is somebody that goes, 'Hey, maybe something nice will happ...”

“I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you're good at.”

“Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.”

“I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping,...”

“The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to.”

“America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.”

“No more war! Never again war! If you wish to be brothers, drop your weapons.”

“If you wish to be loved, show more of your faults than your virtues.”

“I wish it, I command it. Let my will take the place of a reason.”

“You don't know me. You know one me, just like I know one you. And you can't know every me, and I can't know every you.”

“When I knew people, I knew me and when I knew me, I knew people.”

“Our spirit knows our purpose, let these en-grained impressions shape our perceptions of who we think we are today.”

“The more clearly you understand yourself and your emotions, the more you become a lover of what is.”

“There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle.”

“The moral of the tale is, don't live for the approval of others. The real you is here to find out the secret of life, not to satisfy someone else's opinion.”