“History repeats itself. Historians repeat each other.”

“Success is little more than a chemical compound of man with moment.”

“Greatness is so often a courteous synonym for great success.”

“The Lord Chief Justice of England recently said that the greater part of his judicial time was spent investigating collisions between propelled vehicles each on its own side of the road each soun...”

“The work of Henry James has always seemed divisible by a simple dynastic arrangement into three reigns: James 1st James 2nd and the Old Pretender.”

“I had always assumed that cliche was a suburb of Paris until I discovered it to be a street in Oxford.”

“No Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.”

“I have admired W.C. Fields since the day he advanced upon Baby LeRoy with an ice pick. Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.”

“One bliss for which there is no match is when you itch to up and scratch.”

“Your vile and bitter diatribes only serve to show how vile and bitter you must be.”

“I try to make my comments like a woman's skirt: long enough to be respectable and short enough to be interesting. ”

“Comments outnumber ideas.”