“Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.”

“Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain?”

“They're so broke that they've actually cut essential services. In many places, they've cut policemen, because, who the fuck needs them? Or firemen, son of a bitch, it's much more fun watching somet...”

“If you really think there's a Santa, why don't you sit on the front steps all night in the freezing cold and see if he climbs down any chimneys tonight. Good luck. And since we're a family that isn...”

“Just relax and breathe through your ass.”

“If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every h...”

“People are like M&Ms. They come in a variety of colors, they're hard on the outside, and full of obscene yumminess on the inside.”

“Knowledge was like candy: you never turned it down, especially if you didn't have to work too hard to get it.”

“She grinned, looking for all the world like a sticky-mouthed little girl who had just convinced her gullible mother that she really did drop the first piece of candy into the storm drain and would ...”

“The wind comes across the plains not howling but singing. It's the difference between this wind and its big-city cousins: the full-throated wind of the plains has leeway to seek out the hidden regi...”

“If you were food, you would be corn. I dont know why, i just sense corn in you.”

“But carbon 13 [the carbon from corn] doesn't lie, and researchers who have compared the isotopes in the flesh or hair of Americans to those in the same tissues of Mexicans report that it is now we ...”

“The principle of the Gothic architecture is infinity made imaginable.”

“By the time we've made it, we've had it.”

“We are not makers of history. We are made by history.”