“Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!”

“Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.”

“Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?”

“I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.”

“I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.”

“A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.”

“I am the perfect version of me.”

“But if you tame me, then weshall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, Ishall be unique in all the world.”

“I don't want the world to keep turning without me on it.”

“Jokes are hilarious only when you take them unreal and dreamlike, otherwise it becomes painful. So I always live otherworldly...”

“...if you think the worst you'll get the worst, but if you think the best...""and then everything will blow up in your face anyway. Don't you get the punchline yet? Its the great cosmic practical j...”

“It sometimes seemed to him that for love to work, it had to be fair, that he should tell only half the joke, and she the other half. Otherwise, it would not be love, but something completely elsepi...”

“An unknown road will always lead somewhere where you haven't been before.”

“The 'Smart' radio frequency (RF) utility meter program is a known biologically harmful system that has been implemented by evil people.”

“I could forget that part, but it had to have been true.”