“The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.”

“I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead”

“Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.”

“My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.”

“If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, ...”

“I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.”

“If you know yourself and dont have a belief that other people are better than you, then you simply cant feel jealous or threatened.”

“The source and content of information remain the same...the response creates divergent emotions,while negative response creates jealousy positive creates motivation.”

“Did I mention really, really jealous.”

“I never speak in silence.”

“Admitting failure is quite cleansing, but never - pleasurable.”

“What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.”

“I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.”

“It is funny what a year can do.”