“Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there. ”

“I was stunned. I pulled the phone away and looked quizzically at the hole-punched speaker. Aside from the blood obligation to be my sister's maid of honor, it had never occured to me that I would g...”

“I got out on the street and started crying the kind of hysterical tears made justifiable only by turning off ones cell phone, putting it to the ear, and pretending to be told of a death in the family.”

“Its remarkable the logic we build around a misapprehension.”

“I never asked my mother where babies came from but I remember clearly the day she volunteered the information....my mother called me to set the table for dinner. She sat me down in the kitchen, and...”

“Who do you have to sleep with to get laid in this town?”

“Its hard to stay up. Its been a long long dayAnd you've got the sandman at your door. But hang on, leave the TV on and lets do it anyway.Its ok. You can always sleep through work tomorrow. Ok?Hey, ...”

“The waters of the stream played the part of the orchestra, and the sunlight provided the dancers. Every now and then a crescendo of wind highlighted the symphony in the clearing by the creek.”

“Dont get stressed over the little things and make sure you live life to the fullest.”

“I sang 'All Of Me' at the wedding. I sang 'Stay With You' from my first album. And then Stevie Wonder came up and sang 'Ribbon In the Sky.' It was impromptu... It was cool... He's always been a fri...”

“The Wedding March always reminds me of the music played when soldiers go into battle.”

“Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.”