Quotes by Craig Ferguson

“Its hard to stay up. Its been a long long dayAnd you've got the sandman at your door. But hang on, leave the TV on and lets do it anyway.Its ok. You can always sleep through work tomorrow. Ok?Hey, ...”

“I found out it is just as hard to make a movie that you are not proud of as it is to make one you love.”

“The Universe is very, very big.It also loves a paradox. For example, it has some extremely strict rules.Rule number one: Nothing lasts forever.Not you or your family or your house or your planet or...”

“She still cared for me, and the best way I could make amends to her was to be happy.I do have a knack for finding great women.”

“It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.”

“Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing.”

“The world can be such a fright, but it belongs to us tonight.”

“I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.”

“My mother was tickled and I think kind of proud when my father got hit on my an attractive middle-aged Asian lady who hadn't noticed he was with his family. He was certainly pleased about it.”

“On that same tour we ran into a band at Aylesbury Friars, a biggish venue in Oxfordshire, England. They were a four-piece from Ireland called U2. They seemed like nice fellows and they sounded pret...”

“Jimmy put in a word and told them that if I made it, I wouldn't be able to live with myself without paying them back. That I'd sooner die than owe anyone money for helping me. Apparently Jimmy knew...”

“I dont think theres anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isnt fashionable.”

“Alcohol ruined me financially and morally, broke my heart and the hearts of too many others. Even though it did this to me and it almost killed me and I haven't touched a drop of it in seventeen ye...”

“When you need to borrow money the Mob seems like a better deal I think. 'You don't pay me back I break both yer legs.' Is that all? You won't take my house or wreck my credit rating? Fine where do ...”

“That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil.”

“Sometimes they would just pay me to stay home and not do anything else, which sounds fantastic but doesn't do much for your ego. Its probably a little like getting alimony-the money is nice but has...”

“I knew that I had been partially right in the storeroom above the bar on Christmas Day. Whoever I had become had to die.”

“People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.”

“I've got mixed feelings about poetry cause done well poetry is fantastic. But not many people are capable of doing it well. I think you should have some kind of license to perform poetry. A poetic ...”

“Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.”