“I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.”

“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.”

“I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.”

“I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”

“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.”

“A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.”

“If a man whistles at you, don't turn around. You are a lady not a dog.”

“I heard the man and woman cry a warning as I frantically racked my brain for some sort of throat-repairing spell, which I was clearly about to need. Of course the only words that I actually managed...”

“I am a believer in free will. If my dog chooses to hate the whole human race except myself, it must be free to do so.”

“They found grace out in the desert, these people who survived the killing.Israel, out looking for a place to rest, met God out looking for them!"God told them, "I've never quit loving you and nev...”

“Time is passing : not leaden steppingBut sprinting on winged feet,Quick silver slipping by.”

“If I had a wish, I would turn you to a pair of shoes to keep you under my feet and you get an opportunity to be under the bed too.”

“I have long thought that anyone who does not regularly - or ever - gaze up and see the wonder and glory of a dark night sky filled with countless stars loses a sense of their fundamental connectedn...”

“I met Ashley two weeks before I married him. It was a joke-the most ridiculous thing I've ever done. Once I was married, I didn't want to be a failure, so I stuck it out for six months, which was a...”

“There is no disguise which can hide love for long where it exists, or simulate it where it does not.”