“My greatest strength is an unfocused mind. This is because while you are all thinking of one idea, Im thinking of five different ideas. My greatest weakness however is an unfocused mind. This is be...”

“My limits know me well enough to stay out of my way.”

“No religion can fully accept another religion, thats the one belief all religions share”

“I wouldnt have minded school if they taught you important things like how to have good sex and what brand of wine is the best But for some reason they were hell bent on teaching me algebra”

“I hope I can never trust my wife. If I trust her it means I know her. If I know her it means I understand her. If I understand her it means I can control her, and if I can control her it would make...”

“The other day, a friend of a friend said that everyone started out as girls, but boys evolved But dont worry girls, I hit him.”

“Happiness is the most tired word in any language.”

“If I tell you not to follow me, it ain't because I hate you, kiddo.I just don't want you feel dissapointed...when seeing the truth.”

“Dont let past disappointments rob you of future happiness.”

“If you want to be happy, work with all your heart.”

“I do my best thinking at night when everyone else is sleeping. No interruptions. No noise. I like the feeling of being awake when no one else is.”

“I feel like Ive been split open and stuffed with sunshine.”

“You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I'm telling you why,Cause Santa Clause might put a cap in your ass.”