“Tasers are a one-size-fits-all paranormal butt-kicking option. Mines pink withrhinestones.”

“If you fail to report within the next 12 hours. you will be terminated. If you attack any humans, you will be terminated. If you attempt to remove the tracking device, you will be terminated. We lo...”

“I hate the vamp jobs. They think they're so suave. It's not enough for them to slaughter and eat you like a zombie would. No, they want to be all sexy, too. And trust me: vampires? Not. Sexy.”

“What do you think? Does this face make me look fat?”

“I guess I can't blame him for feeling bitter. Going from being the terror of Bulgarian nights to a janitor would kinda suck”

“Being dead wasn't supposed to hurt. Where was the fairness in that? If I was dead, the least the universe could do was make it painless”

“I've missed you, Sebastian.""Have you, love?" He unfastened the buttons of her robe, the light eyes glittering with heat as her skin was revealed. "What part did you miss the most?""Your mind," she...”

“I guess I can't blame him for feeling bitter. Going from being the terror of Bulgarian nights to a janitor would kinda suck”

“Being dead wasn't supposed to hurt. Where was the fairness in that? If I was dead, the least the universe could do was make it painless”

“Innocent? Tell me human, who among you is innocent? Who among you has not destroyed without need or hurt without pity? Should a lion ponder his role in thinning the herds? Does he question whether ...”

“As we pass the mirror in the bedroom, my attention is drawn to the lovely couple in the reflection. There is a man, tall with broad shoulders. His red hair cut short. He has nothing but a towel on....”

“Good evening and good night.”