“Life sucks, and then you die.Yeah, I should be so lucky.”

“Life sucks, and then you die...”

“Hey, Rosalie? Do you know how to drown a blonde? Stick a mirror to the bottom of a pool.”

“You nicked-named my daughter after the Lock Ness Monster!”

“I know - I'll play you for it," Alice suggested. "Rock, paper, scissors."Jasper chuckled and Edward sighed."Why don't you just tell me who wins?" Edward said wryly.Alice beamed. "I do. Excellent.”

“Did you know that 'I told you so' has a brother,Jacob?" she asked cutting me off. "His name is 'Shut the hell up'.”

“You know, Jacob, if it werent for the fact that were natural enemies and that youre also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you.”

“If this were real life,Ed would have looked at her neck-bite, dead, burp, credits.”

“It makes me . . . anxious . . . to be away from you.”

“If we could survive without a wife, citizens of Rome, all of us would do without that nuisance; but since nature has so decreed that we cannot manage comfortably with them, nor live in any way with...”

“When we are at peace within our marriage, the effects can be astounding! We will raise happier children, become better employees, and overall find the joy in life.”

“Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.”