“It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.”

“Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.”

“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”

“If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”

“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”

“If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.”

“Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited.”

“My love is pizza shaped. Wont you have a slice? Its circular, so theres enough to go around.”

“My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”