“I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister.”

“A balanced diet and a brisk daily walk will help keep you healthy, but there's nothing like a good-looking young man with a nice butt to help up your cardiovascular system.”

“You are a perfect woman, a magical blend of beauty, intelligence, and spirit. Without you, my life is nothing.”

“Yeah, world peace would be all right, but what about a day off in a slab of ham the size of my head.”

“Life's funny. Sometimes it's your oyster, and sometimes you're it's bitch-slapped man-whore.”

“Trust is important to any relationship and easier to come by if you get a picture of a guy's wife buck naked.”

“We didn't, after all, sing "Another One Bites The Dust" as the coffin was carried out; Hazel and the vicar had settled instead on the more traditional "How Great Thou Art". And Aunty Rose's old adv...”

“For all the awkward girls that think theyre alone.Youre not.”

“Trina stared into her open kitchen cabinets. She was two and a half days into her pre-date-night ritual fast, and she was about to crack. Technically, she wasnt going out on a date Saturday night, ...”

“Never Give up, never surrender.”

“Several Terminal Policy readers got together to tell Raker jokes: - Raker CAN piss into the wind. - Raker donates a lot of blood to the Red Cross -- just never his own. - Superman wears Raker paj...”

“There was no one alive who did not contribute his share of mystery to the world.”

“When an uninstructed multitude attempts to see with its eyes, it is exceedingly apt to be deceived. When, however, it forms its judgment, as it usually does, on the intuitions of its great and warm...”

“"They say so" is half a lie.”

“I cannot tell how the truth may be I say the tale as 'twas said to me.”