“The best things in life aren't things.”

“We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting t...”

“And Man created the plastic bag and the tin and aluminum can and the cellophane wrapper and the paper plate, and this was good because Man could then take his automobile and buy all his food in one...”

“Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.”

“This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.”

“You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.”

“I have heard that the French like to say, "Nobody grows old during a happy occasion at the dining table." With such wonderful family and friends all around us for Mitchell's and Stacie's wedding, I...”

“To begin with, I dined there on Monday, and once a week is quite enough to dine with one's own relations.”

“You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars.”

“This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

“I love you like a fat kid loves cake!”

“Hard work should be rewarded by good food.”