“As a society weve progressed to a point where it is unacceptable behavior to knock someone down who is acting a fool. I teach my children to use their words when faced with a conflict. Thats what c...”

“As for the young men whose company I keep (Why does it keep sounding likethat?), I try to teach them that every young lady is somebodys sister or daughter with the potential to be somebodys wife an...”

“...the word fine. As in Im fine, its fine, that looks fine, etc. For a man the word fine has, tops, three or four meanings and thats only because of the fairly recent edition of Dang, girl! You loo...”

“Kids dont act right. Sure its embarrassing when it happens but any reasonable person wont fault a parent when a kid throws a fit. However, when a child doesnt act right and a parent doesnt act at a...”

“America, I know we have our problems. I realize that the scale and our waistlineare foremost among them. Im willing to make concessions, I really am. I drink, and prefer, skim milk. Ill take water ...”

“Our plump predicament comes from the way we think. In America life hasbecome a daily quest for instant gratification. Do we think about the long term? Rarely. We ask ourselves, What sounds good? Th...”

“Most people just want to be left in peace to eat their bacon, not realising that there is no peace behind bacon.”

“the serpent if it wants to become the dragon must eat itself.”

“Even apocalypse looks less dire when viewed over a plate of bacon.”

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.”

“Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty.Chocolate isn't like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant.And it always feels good.”

“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.”

“This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

“I love you like a fat kid loves cake!”

“Hard work should be rewarded by good food.”