New Rule: Death isnt always sad. This week, the Reverend Jerry Falwell died, and millions of Americans asked, Why? Why, God? Whydidnt you take Pat Robertson with him? I dont want to say Jerry was disliked by the gay community, but tonight in New York City, at exactly eight oclock, Broadway theaters along the Great White Way turned their lights up for two minutes.I know youre not supposed to speak ill of the dead, but I think we can make an exception, because speaking ill of the dead was kind of Jerry Falwells hobby. Hes the guy who said AIDS was Gods punishment for homosexuality and that 9/11 was brought on by pagans, abortionists, feminists, gays, and the ACLUor, as I like to call them, my studio audience.It was surreal watching people on the news praise Falwell, followed by a clip package of what he actually saidthings like:"Homosexuals are part of a vile and satanic system that will be utterly annihilated." "If youre not a born-again Christian, youre a failure as a human being." "Feminists just need a man in the house." "There is no separation of church and state." And, of course, everyones favorite: "The purple Teletubby is gay."Jerry Falwell found out you could launder your hate through the cover of Gods willhe didnt hate gays, God does.All Falwells power came from name-dropping God, and gay people should steal that trick. Dont say you want something because its your right as a human beingsay you want it because its your religion.Gay men have been going at things backward. Forget civil right, and just make gayness a religion. I mean, youre kneeling anyway. And its easy to start a religion. Watch, Ill do it for you.I had a vision last night. The Blessed Virgin Mary came to meI dont know how she got past the guardsand she told me its time to take the high ground from the Seventh-day Adventists and give it to the twenty-four-hour party people. And that what happens in the confessional stays in the confessional. Gay men, dont say youre life partners. Say youre a nunnery of two. We werent having sex,officer. I was performing a very private mass.Here in my car. I was letting my rod and my staff comfort him.One can only hope that as Jerry Falwell now approaches the pearly gates, he is met there by God Himself, wearing a Fire Island muscle shirt and nut-hugger shorts, saying to Jerry in a mighty lisp, Im not talking to you.