“Tasers are a one-size-fits-all paranormal butt-kicking option. Mines pink withrhinestones.”

“If you fail to report within the next 12 hours. you will be terminated. If you attack any humans, you will be terminated. If you attempt to remove the tracking device, you will be terminated. We lo...”

“I hate the vamp jobs. They think they're so suave. It's not enough for them to slaughter and eat you like a zombie would. No, they want to be all sexy, too. And trust me: vampires? Not. Sexy.”

“What do you think? Does this face make me look fat?”

“I guess I can't blame him for feeling bitter. Going from being the terror of Bulgarian nights to a janitor would kinda suck”

“Being dead wasn't supposed to hurt. Where was the fairness in that? If I was dead, the least the universe could do was make it painless”

“Some experiences are universal. A girl is a girl whether she lives in West Omaha or Sweet Valley. Books are often far more than books.”

“A half-read book is a half-finished love affair.”

“The love of learning, the sequestered nooks,And all the sweet serenity of books”

“I've missed you, Sebastian.""Have you, love?" He unfastened the buttons of her robe, the light eyes glittering with heat as her skin was revealed. "What part did you miss the most?""Your mind," she...”

“I guess I can't blame him for feeling bitter. Going from being the terror of Bulgarian nights to a janitor would kinda suck”

“Being dead wasn't supposed to hurt. Where was the fairness in that? If I was dead, the least the universe could do was make it painless”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”