“Some of us feel the need to experience life before bending to the will of an arcane society.”

“In what way did your parents screw up to make you the woman you are today?”

“What exactly does that expression even mean? An ass that wont quit? Think about the primary function of an assId think thats the sort of thing you might want to quit.”

“One day she was going to be found dead mid-hump on a polyurethane phallus”

“Vibrizzio? You named it! Okay, this isnt even close to healthy.”

“Just because hes a guy doesnt mean he and I cant be just friends. And just because you dont have to insert batteries into him doesnt mean you cant be more.”

“We didn't, after all, sing "Another One Bites The Dust" as the coffin was carried out; Hazel and the vicar had settled instead on the more traditional "How Great Thou Art". And Aunty Rose's old adv...”

“For all the awkward girls that think theyre alone.Youre not.”

“Trina stared into her open kitchen cabinets. She was two and a half days into her pre-date-night ritual fast, and she was about to crack. Technically, she wasnt going out on a date Saturday night, ...”

“I wondered what happened when you offered yourself to someone, and they opened you, only to discover you were not the gift they expected and they had to smile and nod and say thank you all the same.”

“Well?" Ron said finally, looking up at Harry. "How was it?"Harry considered it for a moment. "Wet," he said truthfully.Ron made a noise that might have indicated jubilation or disgust, it was hard ...”

“People always fall in love with the most perfect aspects of each others personalities. Who wouldnt? Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But thats not the clever trick. The ...”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”