Quotes by Victor Borge

“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.”

“The shortest distance between two people is a smile.”

“One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.”

“I normally don't do requests. Unless, of course, I have been asked to do so.”

“(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?”

“Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.”

“(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?”

“I'd like to thank my parents for making this night possible. And my children for making it necessary.”

“Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.”

“My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.”

“Flint must be an extremely wealthy town I see that each of you bought two or three seats.”

“Laughter is the closest distance between two people.”

“Flint must be an extremely wealthy town I see that each of you bought two or three seats.”

“What is the difference between a Nazi and a dog? The Nazi lifts his arm.”

“I only know two pieces, one is 'Clair de Lune', the other one isn't.”

“When I was a little boy and played Liebestraum, my father used to hit me on the head with a newspaper every time I slopped the cadenza . . . I hate Liebestraum.”

“I learned to play the piano on my mother's knee - that was before we got a piano.”

“[of English] It's your language. I'm just trying to use it.”

“The first piano was built long after they didn't have any at all.”

“There is a bit of Hans Christian Andersen in every Dane.”