Quotes by Russell Baker

“Voters inclined to loathe and fear elite Ivy League schools rarely make fine distinctions between Yale and Harvard. All they know is that both are full of rich, fancy, stuck-up and possibly dangero...”

“New York is the only city in the world where you can get run down on the sidewalk by a pedestrian.”

“So there he is at last. Man on the moon. The poor magnificent bungler! He can't even get to the office without undergoing the agonies of the damned but give him a little metal a few chemicals s...”

“I've had an unhappy life thank God.”

“When you're the only pea in the pod your parents are likely to get you confused with the Hope diamond.”

“Happiness is a small and unworthy goal for something as big and fancy as a whole lifetime and should be taken in small doses.”

“When compelled to cook I produce a meal that would make a sword swallower gag.”

“Roosevelt's declaration that Americans had 'nothing to fear but fear itself' was a glorious piece of inspirational rhetoric and just as gloriously wrong.”

“Newspaper people, once celebrated as founts of ribald humor and uncouth fun, have of late lost all their gaiety, and small wonder.”

“Those who remember Washington's cold war culture in the 1980s will recall the shocked reactions to Reagan's intervention. People interested in foreign policy were astonished when in 1985 he met alo...”

“After that [father's death] I never cried with any real conviction, nor expected much of anyone's God except indifference, nor loved deeply without fear that it would cost me dearly in pain. At the...”

“So there he is at last. Man on the moon. The poor magnificent bungler! He can't even get to the office without undergoing the agonies of the damned but give him a little metal a few chemicals some ...”

“I've had an unhappy life thank God.”

“When you're the only pea in the pod your parents are likely to get you confused with the Hope diamond.”

“When compelled to cook I produce a meal that would make a sword swallower gag.”

“The cruel law of life is that a solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for happy living is not to solve any more problems than you have to.”

“In America, it is sport that is the opiate of the masses.”

“People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.”

“It seems to be a law of American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic.”

“Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories: those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost. The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist ...”