Quotes by George Carlin

“I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.”

“There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.”

“Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten thin...”

“It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.”

“Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.”

“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”

“We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something now. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. And the supreme arrogance? Save the planet! Are these...”

“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”

“The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.”

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”

“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

“That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”

“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”

“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.”

“Meow means woof in cat.”

“People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I'm going to become unconscious, temporarily los...”

“I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.”

“I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality ...”