213 quotes found
“By the way, dont thank me for saving you, thank the lifeguards. If it was up to me, I wouldve just carried you off to the building by the boardwalk that said SURGERY. Im sorry, but theres a big dif...”
“I think I can say with confidence that its a lot funnier if you havent actually been attacked by a shark.”
“Are we turning back? Because if youre just trying to solve my post-traumatic stress problem by exposing me to rock sharks until Im desensitized, trust methat ship has sailed.”
“Thats exactly where they send entry-level diplomats. After you cut your teeth on a few civil wars and a famine or two, you might get lucky and be given a plum post somewhere in the SECOND World.”
“You know what Munny said to me, right before we left? She said, Watching someone die is hard work. Go to Australia and watch Faye fall in love with some dude named Rabbit. That should be fun.”
“I think it should be obvious by now that Im not necessarily interested in reality.”
“Dont be such a dumbass, Gabe. Koalas dont travel in herds. They move in heaps. Much like emus move in ripples, and kangaroos travel in photo-ops.”
“I dont think I heard the same ending you did. Maybe you should tell it again.”
“Lets put it this way: you know how we always told you that all those years of tormenting four sisters turned you into a closet sadist? Well, if you ever decide that being a lawyer isnt bringing you...”
“Well, the gondola operatorwhose name was Happy, I might addfailed to inform me that about sixty seconds into the trip, the floor under the section of car I was standing on was going to slide away.T...”
“I am commanding you, as an older and wiser brother, to get over here, get on this caterpillar, and ride to the top of this mushroom with me.”
“Youre in the country of the kangaroo and the duck-billed platypus, and youre asking why is it a mushroom? Because it just IS.”
“Im not sure a real man would smoke something that sounds like a mixed drink ice cream cone.”
“Well then, I guess Im man enough to admit that Im trying to get in touch with my inner bitch.”
“Who are you? Rabbit and Souris call you Alice, me and Dee call you Faye. I just didnt know if Alice was your poker-playing, Southern Hemisphere name or what. Hey, Im just trying to fit in here. If ...”
“Okay, so English settlers brought rabbits with them to Australia to breed for food and stuff, right? But they escaped and basically started destroying the country, eating the vegetation, that kind ...”
“You keep right on building that fence, Faye. See what good it does you.”
“Fun fact: You may hug koalas in the Australian state of New South Wales, but not in Queensland. Soif you didnt hug your koala nice and tight before you got here to Sydney, youre going to be shit ou...”
“I hear theyre all infected with chlamydia, which just goes to show that you really cant tell whos got the clam. I mean, look at a picture of a koalatell me youre not shocked.”
“In any other fabric of space-time, my brother would have picked up Dees venereal disease-infested koala punt and run it straight down the line of vulgarity, all the way to the touchdown of tasteles...”
