“Art and love are the same thing: Its the process of seeing yourself in things that are not you.”

“I once loved a girl who almost loved me, but not as much as she loved John Cusack.”

“I suppose we'll never know what really happened in that room, though he did tell police, "I did it because I'm a dirty dog." This is not a very convincing alibi. He may as well have said, "I got 99...”

“Anybody who says they are a good liar obviously is not, because any legitimately savvy liar would always insist they're honest about everything.”

“But whenever I meet dynamic, nonretarded Americans, I notice that they all seem to share a single unifying characteristic: the inability to experience the kind of mind-blowing, transcendent romanti...”

“Women intrinsically understand human dynamics, and that makes them unstoppable. Unfortunately, the average man is less adroit at fostering such rivalries, which is why most men remain average; male...”

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you...”

“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”

“popular culture is where we go to talk to and agree with one another; to simplify ourselves; to find our herd. Its like going to the Automat to buy an emotion. The thrills are cheap and the payoffs...”

“It is not merely the feeling that something is familiar. It is one step beyond that. It is something new, challenging, or surprising that opens a door into a feeling of comfort, meaning, or familia...”

“She has enough black eyeliner on to outline a corpse, and her skin's so pale she looks like she's just broken dawn.”