“It is a defect of God's humor that he directs our hearts everywhere but to those who have a right to them.”

“Comparing what we're looking for misses the point. It's wanting to know that makes us matter. Otherwise we're going out the way we came in. That's why you can't believe in the afterlife, Valentine....”

“If knowledge isn't self-knowledge it isn't doing much, mate. Is the universe expanding? Is it contracting? Is it standing on one leg and singing 'When Father Painted the Parlour'? Leave me out. I c...”

“Seduced her? Every time I turned round she was up a library ladder. In the end I gave in. That reminds meI spotted something between her legs that made me think of you.”

“Carnal embrace is sexual congress, which is the insertion of the male genital organ into the female genital organ for purposes of procreation and pleasure. Fermats last theorem, by contrast, assert...”

“Carnal embrace is the practice of throwing one's arms around a side of beef.”

“A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.”

“If you do not apologize to Lady Honoria, Marcus said, his voice so mild as to be terrifying, I will kill you.There was a collective gasp, and Daisy faked a swoon, sliding elegantly into Iris, who p...”

“Where was his knife, upon which he relied? He had cut cheese for their noonday meal, and had packed the knife away with the cheese.Aillas said: 'Sir, before we continue with this matter, may I offe...”

“I almost thought that marriage was a cure to loneliness, alas! so many are lonely inside marriage. Then I realized it's not marriage that takes the loneliness away, but when both within marriage ho...”

“I know nothing about war. But let me tell you what I believe. I think running from responsibility breeds self-loathing and despair. I think people can, and do, rise to the occasion, and even a sing...”

“Do I understand, sir, that you mean the Cause for which our heroes have died is not sacred?'If you were run over by a railroad train your death wouldnt sanctify the railroad company, would it?' ask...”

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you...”

“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”