“It is a defect of God's humor that he directs our hearts everywhere but to those who have a right to them.”

“Comparing what we're looking for misses the point. It's wanting to know that makes us matter. Otherwise we're going out the way we came in. That's why you can't believe in the afterlife, Valentine....”

“Chater: You dare to call me that. I demand satisfaction!Septimus: Mrs Chater demanded satisfaction and now you are demanding satisfaction. I cannot spend my time day and night satisfying the demand...”

“If knowledge isn't self-knowledge it isn't doing much, mate. Is the universe expanding? Is it contracting? Is it standing on one leg and singing 'When Father Painted the Parlour'? Leave me out. I c...”

“Carnal embrace is sexual congress, which is the insertion of the male genital organ into the female genital organ for purposes of procreation and pleasure. Fermats last theorem, by contrast, assert...”

“Carnal embrace is the practice of throwing one's arms around a side of beef.”

“The orgasm has replaced the Cross as the focus of longing and the image of fulfillment.”

“Holy Mother we do believe,That without sin Thou didst conceive;May we now in Thee believing,Also sin without conceiving.”

“When you've committed yourself to violence it takes an almost inhuman effort to stop short. It's one of those things that once you've started need to be finished, rather like coitus, interrupting t...”

“A relationship is not just about sex it is much more than that. Sex is only a tool in love, not love itself.”

“No sane person resists the smell of the soil when sprinkled with water,Especially the smell of the intercourse between earth and rain.”

“A relationship is not just about sex – it is much more than that. Sex is only a tool in love, not love itself.”