“People tell me I shouldn't smoke because it is makes you look like a tit. I use exactly the same argument when people tell me they go to the gym.”

“Above all others I pity the homeless: where can they go to masturbate?”

“The government are tightening up on ID for sales of tobacco and alcohol so I recommend that young people take more drugs.”

“I think Amy Winehouse's decision not to go to rehab was a bad one. In fact, I think it was the worst idea since Dodi Al Fayed said to Princess Diana, "Ooh, look! A tunnel! Whack that seat belt off ...”

“Yes, you may ask my name but only if you can tell me: are your thighs as fine as a fresh, crisp morning in early July?”

“Delia Smith needs to realise that when Nigella flirts with the camera she comes across as a slut. When Delia does it she comes across as an old slut.”

“The world we have created, has problems, that can not be resolved by rich getting richer but by sharing we can over come the problems" Dr. Ron Harris - 2008”

“If ignorance about the nature of pain is widespread, ignorance about the way pain-killing drugs is even more so. What is not generally understood is that many of the vaunted pain-killing drugs conc...”

“Suppose I stopped taking aspirin and phenylbutazone? What about the pain? The bones in my spine and practically every joint in my body felt as though I had been run over by a truck. I knew that pai...”

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you...”

“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”

“The true face of smoking is disease, death and horror - not the glamour and sophistication the pushers in the tobacco industry try to portray.”

“I like smoking! I mean, God, I quit everything else, can't I smoke?”

“Much smoking kills live men and cures dead swine.”