“The writing of solid, instructive stuff fortified by facts and figures is easy enough. There is no trouble in writing a scientific treatise on the folk-lore of Central China, or a statistical enqui...”

“Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so.”

“I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.”

“The classics are only primitive literature. They belong to the same class as primitive machinery and primitive music and primitive medicine.”

“Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.”

“I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.”

“Posthuman. It was a word from advertising copy, breathless and empty, and all hed ever thought it really meant was that the people using it had a limited imagination about what exactly humans were ...”

“Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing but nobody else does.”

“All the papers that matter live off their advertisements, and the advertisers exercise an indirect censorship over news.”

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you...”

“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”