“To whomever swapped my tattoo cream for toothpaste........ well played.”

“Today I plan to smile a lot, only so people who know me will be freaked the fuck out.”

“I'm the biggest critic of my own work, but sometimes you nail a chapter so good that you have to take a step back and admire that bitch.”

“The best writers tend to look the roughest in photos. At least that's the excuse I use for why I look so bad in mine.”

“Anyone who says "Trust me" is the last motherfucker you should ever trust.”

“This faulty light fitting at the front door with the dangerously flickering bulb looks rather festive. Who says I don't do Christmas?”

“To calculate sacrifice is to attempt to sacrifice safely, and safe sacrifice is one of the most outrageous oxymorons I can think of.”

“Consider and then act, don't react. A worthy opponent will calculate his move to entice a response from you. Make your own play.”

“When one treats people with benevolence, justice, and righteoousness, and reposes confidence in them, the army will be united in mind and all will be happy to serve their leaders'.”

“Never send a battalion to take a hill if a regiment is available.”

“Camouflage doesn't help when the other guy is willing to defoliate the whole jungle.”