“Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.”

“My life needs editing. ”

“I used to go to two movies every week for the Saturday matinee when I was a kid.”

“The bravest thing that men do is love women.”

“Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. Had he run unopposed he would have lost.”

“Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”

“Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”

“Politics determines who has the power, not who has the truth.”

“Immer wieder behauptete Unwahrheiten werden nicht zu Wahrheiten, sondern, was schlimmer ist, zu Gewohnheiten.”