“I'm scared David""That's good, because there's lots to be afraid of”

“Scientists talk about dark matter, the invisible, mysterious substance that occupies the space between stars. Dark matter makes up 99.99 percent of the universe, and they don't know what it is. Wel...”

“I know the Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider can't fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely. We would call it "sir" because it would be the dominant species on the planet. ...”

“When a man plans, a woman laughs.”

“Fred said, Man, I think hes gonna make a fuckin suit of human skin, using the best parts from each of us.Holy crap, said John. Hell be gorgeous.”

“John, let me make one thing clear, Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough t...”

“John, let me make one thing clear, Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough t...”

“There is something almost shocking in the notion of so chaste a function carrying this Kantian hurlyburly in her womb.”

“Hey, have you heard that one about the difference between me, Wit, and my loutish cousin, Hilarity? No? Okay, so I walk into a bar, you see, very unassuming, and order a martini. Then the bartender...”

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you...”

“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”