“When I say 'friends,' I use that term loosely, as I don't actually have any.”

“Whenever I see people with their collars up, I'm tempted to point it out to them like you would for someone who has a food stain on their shirt or food in their teeth, as if to say, 'Your fashion s...”

“I recently forced myself to read a book on quantum physics, just to try and learn something new. I was confused by the middle of the first sentence and it all went downhill from there. The only thi...”

“You can write a little and can draw a little, but there's necessarily a limitation on both in a comic strip, since it appears in such a tiny space.”

“You can't just count on becoming a syndicated cartoonist. I actually tried to calculate the odds once, and the best I could come up with is a 1-in-36,000 chance. And the odds of getting hit by ligh...”

“When I was at the University of California at Berkeley, I went to some classes that must have had more than four hundred students in them. I almost always sat in the far back of the auditorium so I...”

“You can find a better you inside of you. Why dont you search for that?”

“Do not fear to give yourself a chance that will change you for the better.”

“He explained that often times it's the love of something- like money, material, possessions, or power-and the fear of losing them, that command people to act. That love and fear are really the only...”

“There are two insults no human being will endure: that he has no sense of humor, and that he has never known trouble.”

“I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor.”

“Everybody's got a different sense of humor. It's just different styles.”