“If you have anything to tell me of importance for God's sake begin at the end.”

“We often say that we fear no invasion from the south but the armies of the south have already crossed the border - American enterprise American capital is taking rapid possession of our mines and...”

“Clothes and courage have much to do with each other.”

“One loses many laughs by not laughing at oneself.”

“Why is it that when people have no capacity for private usefulness they should be so anxious to serve the public?”

“A human being isn't an orchid he must draw something from the soil he grows in.”

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you...”

“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”