“Advertising - A judicious mixture of flattery and threats.”

“The writing of solid, instructive stuff fortified by facts and figures is easy enough. There is no trouble in writing a scientific treatise on the folk-lore of Central China, or a statistical enqui...”

“Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so.”

“I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.”

“The classics are only primitive literature. They belong to the same class as primitive machinery and primitive music and primitive medicine.”

“Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.”

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you...”

“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”