“I've never had any summer lovin'. And I've never had any school year lovin', either. I've never had a boyfriend. I've never hooked up with a guy. And this morning, on my Internet browser, an articl...”

“We are in a boy recession," Eugene repeats. "There's been a sudden, drastic decrease in the male population at this school. And I'm gonna take advantage of it.”

“Eugene's got a fake ID, and he actually gets away with using it because he looks like he's thirty-six, thanks to his devotion to tasseled shoes and his ridiculous carpet of chest hair.”

“My love life couldn't be more nonexistent if Julius was all all-girls' boarding school with a moat full of alligators around it.”

“Great. Darcy is the ruler of our school. Prety soon, Julius is going to be like Singapore - you'll get a $500 fine for chewing gum or making out in the hallways.”

“I could kiss that girl. And ya know what? I will kiss that girl. As soon as I get back to school, I'm gonna grab her, and I'm gonna kiss her.”

“Whenever a state or an individual cited 'insufficient funds' as an excuse for neglecting this important thing or that, it was indicative of the extent to which reality had been distorted by the abs...”

“Once she'd graduated from Ever After High, she'd open her own chain of bakeries. She'd publish cookbooks and create an entire line of gourmet treats under her label, Ginger's Goodies. By sharing he...”

“In the kitchen, her family nibbled Helens lemon squares. Melanie urged brownies on the nurses. Take these, she told Lorraine. We cant eat them all, but Helen wont stop baking.Sweetheart, Lorraine s...”

“Ah, sweetie. If the poets couldnt unriddle them, then you certainly cant. Be kind, and keep your ears on offer if she wants to talk. But you cant draw out the strangeness, Edgar. Its not a poison.”

“With boys there was a fundamental assumption that they had a right to be therenot always, but more often than not. With girls, Why her? came up so quickly.”

“Unfortunately, he still hadnt asked for my number, or a date, or my hand in marriage, and my drink was getting low.”

“Frank stared at her. "But you throw Ding Dongs at monsters."Iris looked horrified. "Oh, they're not Ding Dongs."She rummaged under the counter and brought out a package of chocolate covered cakes t...”

“Mom asked for a cupcake miracle? Well, here comes the freaking holy angel of icing, at your service. --”

“Life's meant to be sweet! Grab a cupcake and enjoy the ride!”