“You should not confuse your career with your life.”

“If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.”

“I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a moral person, but I'm definitely not religious, and I'm very tired of the preachiness and obsession ...”

“It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the...”

“When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. ”

“The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter.”

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”

“Be wary of strong drink, it can make you shoot at the tax collector...and miss.”

“In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.”

“We all look for happiness, but without knowing where to find it: like drunkards who look for their house, knowing dimly that they have one”

“There are hours for rest, and hours for wakefulness; nights for sobriety and nights for drunkenness(if only so that possession of the former allows us to discern the latter when we have it; for sad...”

“Well enough, I reply. Remember, youre drunk. And happy. Youre supposed to be lusting over your escort. Try smiling a little more. like Im lusting? This is me, lusting. His lashes flutter at me. bet...”

“Almost everything strange washes up near Miami. ”

“The general intellectual level of South Florida is somewhere just above "functionally retarded".”

“Voters have soaked up a noggin full of negativity over the last twenty years, with an economy we had to bring back from collapse, plus terrorist attacks and wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. I dont wan...”