15 quotes found
Comedian · American · 1958
American comedian (born 1958)
“Eating crappy food isn't a reward -- it's a punishment.”
“It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.”
“There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.”
“When I thought I was retired, I wanted to travel around the world and watch soccer games.”
“Oh, and once, when I was in the Marines, I got a perfect score on my physical fitness test.”
“The Marines was a fresh start - that is why they shave your head. I wish they would let you change your name.”
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
“Being a celebrity you always get really good seats to sporting events but you never get as good seats as the photographers get. And I really love sports. So one of the scams I have going now is I w...”
“Being a celebrity, you always get really good seats to sporting events, but you never get as good seats as the photographers get. And I really love sports.”
“But sports photography isn't something you just pick up overnight. You can't do it once a year for fun and expect to do a good job. And I take pride in what I do.”
“International soccer has been a big part of my love for the sport. I love the Men's National Team. I can say that they're my favorite sports team.”
“I always run in the morning on an empty stomach, and I'll go through a bottle and a half of water. Then I have a protein drink or I eat egg whites.”
“The easiest diet is, you know, eat vegetables, eat fresh food. Just a really sensible healthy diet like you read about all the time.”
“The hardest diet I was ever on was the one when I was fat. You can only wear fat clothes, you don't feel good, your sex life gets damaged, you don't have energy for anything. It's horrible.”
“As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, you...”