“It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.”

“Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.”

“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”

“If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”

“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”

“If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.”

“If a patient became sugar-free and blood sugar normal on a basal requirement diet, the caloric intake was gradually increased until sugar appeared in the urine. The tolerance was thus ascertained.”

“Taking in too much added sugar from highly marketed sugary foods and drinks displaces healthier foods in the diet.”

“A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.”

“Smartass Disciple: Master, can you trust this bank to keep your money safe?Master of Stupidity: Well, I can put a bit less distrust on this bank than others.”

“A data bank holding all the information that is in this universe can be found in God”

“I made a Christmas album a couple of years ago and just put it out on my Web site. It kind of smacked of this flavor. All of the reviews said it was Western swing even when it was Christmas standards.”

“I have a terrible tendency to lick my fingers when I cook. So much so that I got a telling off from my pastry teacher years ago, who said it would hinder my prospects.”

“I've said my patience is not infinite.”