“I'm a writer. I write checks. Mostly fiction.”

“I think there have always been funny women, from Carol Burnett to Joan Rivers. When the audience sees a woman, they innately know she's worked twice as hard to get there, she's had to prove that sh...”

“I don't think I was funny until college. I lived with some Harvard MD/PhD students - they were so smart, and what I contributed to the house was, I was the funny one.”

“My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.”

“I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.”

“I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that?”

“I see them standing at the formal gates of their colleges,I see my father strolling outunder the ochre sandstone arch, thered tiles glinting like bentplates of blood behind his head, Isee my mother...”

“We realized that the version of the world they rendered for us was not the world they really believed in...”

“Id never heard my parents make love. If they made love, they did it silently, like bank robbers, like surgeons.”

“A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession.”

“In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?”

“Do not work primarily for money; do your duty to patients first and let the money follow; our life is short, we don't live twice; the whirlwind will pick up the leaves and spin them, but then it wi...”

“I am the perfect version of me.”

“But if you tame me, then weshall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, Ishall be unique in all the world.”

“I don't want the world to keep turning without me on it.”