“In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for eve...”

“My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.”

“I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.”

“How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.”

“The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'”

“My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex she objects.”

“The life of my people is to remember forever; each head granary is full. The life of your people is to forget: your thing granaries ("museums"), and not yourselves, are full.”

“We are now in the mountains and they are in us, kindling enthusiasm, making every nerve quiver, filling every pore and cell of us.”

“The living sinners on deadly ground.”

“Marrying an old bachelor is like buying second-hand furniture.”

“Sooner or later, we sell out for money.”