“And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow”

“There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.”

“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.”

“Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.”

“The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.”

“Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction....”

“The more clearly you understand yourself and your emotions, the more you become a lover of what is.”

“There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle.”

“The moral of the tale is, don't live for the approval of others. The real you is here to find out the secret of life, not to satisfy someone else's opinion.”

“In Hollywood, no one knows anything.”

“Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul. I know, because I turned down the first offer often enough and held out for the fifty cents.”

“Well,said Ernest, by some strange coincidence I know this story.Boddichek was not good at irony. I knew that there was that possibility, he said, but we have a great new way to treat it, and I thou...”

“I came "here" to get "there." Do I have any fucking clue what "there" is? Hell the fuck no. I'm just trying to live in a world of the dead.”

“You are afraid to lose, you don't react, you are afraid of the horror of something which can be brutal killings and such... You are prepared to a victim I can said from here!”

“Infinite mercy flows continuallyBut you're asleep and can't see it.The sleeper's robe goes on drinking river waterWhile he frantically hunts mirages in dreamsAnd runs continually here and there sho...”