“Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.”

“...And so we go and I meet his parents. And it's a very strange thing meeting your girlfriend's boyfriend's parents for the first time. Part of you is angry for obvious reasons and part of you stil...”

“Bears are simultaneously so graceful and so strong. Bears know who they are, but they often dont know who you are, which is why they kill you.”

“They really cut to the chase in the urologists examination room, and I tried to laugh. If this office were a movie, it would have been rated R.”

“I try to think up material that might apply to the subjects they are studying. How many mitochondria does it take to power a cell? One. Because mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell. Not read...”

“I thought, Hey, maybe these people shouldnt be making up holidays to drink more. Maybe if they drank less they might be able to title their newspaper articles more specifically. For example, I woul...”

“If a man whistles at you, don't turn around. You are a lady not a dog.”

“I heard the man and woman cry a warning as I frantically racked my brain for some sort of throat-repairing spell, which I was clearly about to need. Of course the only words that I actually managed...”

“I am a believer in free will. If my dog chooses to hate the whole human race except myself, it must be free to do so.”

“We tilt our heads back and open wide. The snow drifts into our zombie mouths crawling with grease and curses and tobacco flakes and cavities and boyfriend/girlfriend juice, the stain of lies. For o...”

“The teachers complain that the students today are all lazy, ignorant, and stupid. But the truth is that you're smarter than they are. You're not even old enough to drive and you already know that n...”

“I told her about school and how I sat on a wall there and felt stories and words move through me ...”

“The more clearly you understand yourself and your emotions, the more you become a lover of what is.”

“There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle.”

“The moral of the tale is, don't live for the approval of others. The real you is here to find out the secret of life, not to satisfy someone else's opinion.”