“If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me.”

“Dorothy is the only woman in history who has had her menopause in public and made it pay.”

“He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.”

“I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.”

“My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.”

“My specialty is detached malevolence.”

“I rise with every sunrise.”

“To pursue science is not to disparage the things of the spirit. In fact, to pursue science rightly is to furnish the framework on which the spirit may rise.”

“A nation will rise no higher than the strength of its homes.”

“The more clearly you understand yourself and your emotions, the more you become a lover of what is.”

“There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle.”

“The moral of the tale is, don't live for the approval of others. The real you is here to find out the secret of life, not to satisfy someone else's opinion.”

“I was in the postseason twice and I'm thankful for that.”