“You can't make a souffle rise twice.”

“Dorothy is the only woman in history who has had her menopause in public and made it pay.”

“He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.”

“I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.”

“My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.”

“My specialty is detached malevolence.”

“Gossip is just a tool to distract people who have nothing better to do from feeling jealous of those few of us still remaining with noble hearts.”

“Gossip, as usual, was one-third right and two-thirds wrong.”

“No matter what you do, someone always knew you would.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”

“A slander is like a hornet if you cannot kill it dead the first blow better not strike at it.”

“If slander be a snake it is a winged one - it flies as well as creeps.”

“I am disgrac'd impeach'd and baffled here - Pierc'd to the soul with slander's venom'd spear.”