“Its only when youre at the bottom of the ladder that you ascend.”

“Comics know that time plus pain equals humor and that we can redeem even awful moments from the past by translating them into a shared experience.”

“If anger were mileage, I'd be a very frequent flyer, right up there in First Class.”

“In short, immaturity is spoiled. And what is spoiled doesnt ripen. It goes bad early, gets bitter and withers on the vine.”

“To slur feminism into humanism is to usurp womens voices once again, to make the singular feminine into the so-called universal masculine.”

“Boys are rewarded for playing games where they line up by height and then run into walls. Perhaps I'm making that up--or perhaps you should do a Google search for "Guy Runs into Wall for Fun."Not o...”

“But as the years went on, I realised that what I really want to be, all told, is a human. Just a productive, honest, courteously treated human.”

“Women who focus on style over substance usually find themselves in a big fucking hole, with other men who want to fuck the hole. Oh so smooth, and none sophistacted. Because, you know, how sophisti...”

“Men are scumbags until they prove they're women.”

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”

“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”