“The rottweiler stood his ground and waited for me to take the next step in the dance of ritualized intimidation. Instead, I leaped at him. Screw ritual. Now was not the time to stand on ceremony.”

“He liked women with little butts and big tits? Someone had played with one too many barbie dolls as a kid.”

“What's next? If there are vampires in there, they probably drink artificial blood plasma substitute.”

“Common courtesy dictates that we never drain the lifeblood of anyone to whom we've been formally introduced.”

“A conglomerate of complicated words, they confuse, condemn and cajole, created, he is sure, for the sole purpose of fuddling the listener, which in this case is regrettably him.”

“Tempted to type meaningless twaddle all the time on Twitter...with alliteration, no less!”

“You can spend all day trying to think of some universal truth to set down on paper, and some poets try that. Shakespeare knew that it's much easier to string together some words beginning with the ...”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”

“There are things that defy logic. Things that speak to the instinctual fear cloaked by our conscious minds.”