“Her latest client is Professor Desmond Curnin, a university professor who teaches library sciences to large groups of students. Hes quick to pay on-time, quick to never fall behind. Hes a brown-hai...”

“I have the most fantastic, stupendous, magnificent idea. Why its better than television," he said, standing there in red, tartan pyjamas, his beard in a sleepy tangle. Dunn's Magnificent Idea”

“By the power of Steven Wright's Beard!”

“Symbolic of life, hair bolts from our head[s]. Like the earth, it can be harvested, but it will rise again. We can change its color and texture when the mood strikes us, but in time it will return ...”

“Naked you are blue like the night in Cuba,you have vines and stars in your hair,”

“Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous.”

“Those guys who want to have the Mohawk...which, to me, is the new business casual.”