14 quotes found
“Lesson learned: If a guy tells you youre his second choice, dont make him your first.”
“Lesson learned: Dont ever put a guy up on a pedestal. Its too easy for him to tip over and fall off.”
“Judge me if you must, but keep in mind how very little pleasure I could have possibly derived from a one-thrust sex session, a quickie in a closet, and a come-free drunken hookup. If anything, you ...”
“In an attempt to help me move on from my failed marriage, my mom set me up with Jesus Freak. In fact, the stoner hadnt even finished moving out when she told me not to worry, because she already ha...”
“The Lush hadnt driven in almost a decade - ever since she got in an accident that shook her so badly she refused to get behind the wheel. As you can imagine, someone nicknamed The Lush wouldnt make...”
“To me, the words food and guilt didnt belong in the same sentence unless, say, you were referring to how you felt about the starving children in Africa.”
“The next day I received a phone call from Mr. Pride which began, So, I heard you won Ho of the Year. Well when you put it like that it didnt sound like such an accomplishment.”
“The entire partying lifestyle was superficial in my experience, and most of my friendships were as deep as a shot glass and as short-lived as a pack of cigarettes.”
“Lesson learned: If youre already resorting to writing shitty poetry (not the lovey-dovey kind) to get your guys attention within one month of meeting him, he is not the one.”
“I thought of my sweet little girl and her chubby cheeks, big brown eyes and long brown hair with bangs that constantly needed trimming. She was all that really mattered in this world, and I could n...”
“Most memoirs about alcoholism, promiscuity, and addiction are deep, sobering tales full of scars that will never heal and include alarming statistics and reflection about recovery.This is not one o...”
“People always laugh at me when I tell them Im scared of pencils, because they cant fathom why anyone would fear a puncture wound or lead poisoning from a pencil, especially now that its impossible ...”
“I had a friend who got pregnant at age 14 and wasnt quite sure who the father was. Her paternity test went a little something like this: If it comes out black, its Darwins and if it comes out white...”
“Because when youre a 23-year old party girl who has to pee you dont really think about the possibility that your nerdy bouncer friend might suddenly start acting like a trench-coated pedophile who ...”
