Quotes by Dave Chappelle

“The girl says "Oh uh-uh, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a whore!" Which is true, Gentlemen, that is true. Just because they dress a certain way doe...”

“The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive. "I don't understand this person. So they're crazy." That's bullshit. These people are not crazy. They strong people. Maybe their environm...”

“I'm cool with failing so long as I know that there are people around me that love me unconditionally.”

“I think extreme sports are really good for relieving stress.”

“You can become famous but you can't become unfamous. You can become infamous but not unfamous.”

“I'm famous today. People like me today. Might not like me tomorrow. You can't count on it.”

“I love being famous - it's phenomenal.”

“Being famous is great, it's not like bad or horrible or anything.”

“If I can make a teacher's salary doing comedy, I think that's better than being a teacher.”

“I felt in a lot of instances I was deliberately being put through stress because when you're a guy who generates money, people have a vested interested in controlling you.”

“Most of the people around me have a vested interest in how much money I make. You know, so a celebrity could find themselves in a position where people could have meetings about their life without ...”

“The only thing harder than leaving show business is coming back.”

“My house got robbed in New York. I didn't even call the police. I wanted to, but I couldn't. My crib is too nice. It's not that it's too nice, but it's too nice for me. You know how the police are ...”

“I don't even know why people do crime. They want to catch you, they're gonna catch you. They can. They got forensics. You ever seen forensics? Those guys find clues nobody else thinks about looking...”

“Is it me, or do commercials have nothing to do with the products anymore? You dig? I don't even know what a fucking commercial is about until the end. Every one is a surprise nowadays. You seen tha...”

“I was at a party. Some guy gave me some shit. He's like, Here, man. Take this. It's fucking mushrooms. I took it, I forgot all about it, you know. Then a couple days later I found that shit in my p...”

“If you're an American, you're a racist. We're brought up from the beginning to think in generalizations. We never look at the individual. We rarely look at the individual. I'm a racist. I know I'm ...”

“A black man would never dream of talking to the police high. That's a waste of weed. I'm serious. I mean, I'd be scared to talk to the police when I'm sleepy.”

“Have you ever watched, like, a cartoon that you used to watch when you were little, as an adult? That shit is wild shit. It's some wild shit. I mean, like, I was with my nephew. We sittin' there, w...”

“White people do not like to talk about their political affiliations. It's a secret. You ever ask a white guy who's he voting for, like, Hey, Bob, uh, Bob, who you gonna vote for? Dave! Dave! Whoa, ...”