“I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.”

“It pays to get drunk with the best people.”

“I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.”

“I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.”

“The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.”

“There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.”